Today I close a year in which I lived moments of full happiness, but also of immense anguish and fear. 2020 may not have been the year I thought was ideal to make the dream of achieving my pregnancy come true, but without a doubt I learned that God’s timing is perfect and that, in the midst of so many complex situations in the world, I managed to make the wish that I longed for with all my heart come true for more than three years: to be a mother.
Writing this letter I remembered the Decembers of 2018 and 2019; I never needed anything material, the tree was always full of gifts, and on New Year’s Eve I was fortunate enough to share it with my family, but why did I feel so alone, so sad and so disoriented?
I know that it is not easy to accept advice when the heart breaks to pieces with each negative, but today, after three years of searches and losses, I want to tell all those mothers of heart who have not yet achieved their miracle of love, to enjoy every day and to value life.
We spend the entire stage of treatment and search for pregnancy, immersed in a deep sleep that clouds the here and now, we push away those who only want to see us well because we cling to a desire that only our heart understands, and we feel alone because that being that day by day we imagine has not yet arrived.
But why not change your gaze and enjoy every moment? I know it is not easy, but now, after everything I lived to reach this moment that I know so many yearn for, I want to share with you a message from the heart that I am sure will help you receive 2021 in the best way and thanking you for every opportunity that life gives us to continue walking the path in search of a positive.
1. Do not give up in the pursuit of your dream, but do not forget that your reality is the engine to continue.
2. Hold on to that desire, but also to those who accompany you in every step and can give you the strength that we sometimes need.
3. Enjoy the here and now. You don’t know what the future has in store for you, but there is no greater gift than being alive and delighting in every moment.
4. Fill your heart with love and drive away bad thoughts. A positive attitude will help you understand that not everything is in your hands, and that, sometimes, you just have to accept and continue.
Don’t be discouraged! Today, 4 months pregnant and full of different fears (such as having my baby healthy, controlling hormones, controlling my anxiety), I tell you that there is no better way to start the year than by being grateful for each process that life made us live. It is a fortune and blessing to receive 2021 with health and love, and if there is one thing I am sure of, it is that for all those people who go through paths of infertility, we have a recharge of faith, love, hope and illusion.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Tonight I will close my eyes and ask the universe that next year you will be the one to look at the sky, touch its belly and be grateful for every moment lived.
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