“It is not easy to face the possibility of not being able to fulfill the dream of creating a family, but we can prevent that difficulty from becoming a more complex and difficult problem to manage.”
When we were children we spent many hours playing at being a mother. We had a kitchen, clothes, diapers, bottles, blankets and more. We were strict mothers, who scolded their dolls when they refused to eat and who lovingly combed those long plastic hairs.
Although we grew up and moved away from those protagonists of our childhood, the dream of giving all the love and care to a little being remained in many of us. We found someone we considered the right one to make that dream come true, we got married and decided to start a family. No one told us that getting pregnant could be a difficult task and since we never imagined it, we did not prepare ourselves to face that obstacle in the best way.
What happens to our life as a couple when we have difficulty fathering a child?
When we realize that achieving that dream of being parents will not be so easy, a number of mixed feelings, questions, doubts, fears and above all, a lot of frustration appear.
Some phantom ideas appear that haunt our heads and torment us daily: we blame ourselves, we think that our marriage is going to end, that life as a couple no longer makes sense, that if we can’t be parents everything will fall apart. We get overwhelmed under fears and assumptions and that frustration of not being able to be parents becomes the cause of new problems and difficulties.
These reactions end up affecting the couple’s communication, as each one experiences their process in a different way and in the face of the emotional avalanche it is difficult to establish meeting points. The fissures and differences increase and the bond that united us as a couple and the illusion of achieving together what we set out to do begins to be lost.
Looking for a child becomes the only objective and without realizing it this consumes our peace of mind. Sex life is especially affected, because what used to provide us with pleasure, joy and enjoyment by the side of our partner, becomes a task. We no longer make love spontaneously but we schedule it, mark the dates and times and comply with the schedule as if it were an obligation.
It is not easy to face the possibility of not being able to fulfill the dream of creating a family, but we can prevent that difficulty from becoming a more complex and difficult problem to manage.
That is why it is very important that in this process of pursuing the dream of becoming parents, we have psychological support. This will help us to understand ourselves, work on our own frustrations, pains and fears and then meet the other, join forces and thus achieve the goal together.
Identifying and sharing our feelings is a great exercise, it will allow us to free ourselves and help us listen to ourselves. Writing about that swirl of feelings we feel inside serves to order our ideas and to let off steam.
Let’s talk about it with people different from your partner, we will receive advice and contributions from those who see the situation from the outside. If we have the opportunity to talk to a couple who has gone through the same situation, they will surely become a great guide, because no one will be able to understand us better.
Let’s stop blaming ourselves, fertility problems are not a condition that someone should feel responsible for. It is better to focus on the future and on assuming this unexpected situation in the best way.
Although it can be difficult to achieve, we must have control and prevent our lives from revolving solely and exclusively around the search for the baby. Don’t stop doing what you like, both alone and as a couple, go for a walk, go to the movies, sleep late or go to a spa, you will be able to clear your mind and keep your life in balance.
You and your partner will decide what the path will be like. Remember that psychological guidance is as important as medical guidance when looking for a pregnancy, as it will help you see situations from another perspective, will allow you to understand both yourself and your partner and will be a great support for moments of anguish, sadness and unease.
Never doubt the power that emotions have on your body, you will see that once you manage to communicate with your partner and synchronize with them in the same tone, the chances of success will increase and you will enjoy the process instead of suffering from it.
