Son, today, through these words I want to tell you a secret; a secret that I have kept quiet and kept in my heart for fear of being judged or seeing myself “weak” in society.
I don’t want you to think that keeping quiet is always the best option, but it was the one I chose to give strength to your mom when the news was not positive and we needed strength to continue.
You may be wondering what are you talking about, dad?, well, I’m going to tell you.
When your mom and I decided that it was time to complement our family with a baby, the illusion of having him quickly in our house began to be the reason for getting up every day. We were always clear that we wanted a child and until then we thought it was something easy, because your uncles were already parents and close friends too.
As an older brother between two men and a woman, he felt a responsibility to carry on the family legacy and customs. Your grandparents did a great job with me and your uncles, they taught us the importance of family and how lucky siblings are to have friends under the same roof.
I always had in mind to have two or three children, because I wanted them to feel the same way I did growing up in a large, close-knit family. However, all that ideal began to change when your mom and I realized that we needed expert help to achieve a pregnancy.
Experts? Yes, looking for a baby was not as easy as we once thought and it seemed that we were not going to be able to achieve it.
At first, in the midst of my rough and “macho” character, I thought that your mother should undergo tests or consult to find out what was happening, but I was very surprised when after some studies they told us that your mother was healthy and that the diagnosis of infertility was mine; My sperm were few and did not have good quality.
I didn’t know what to think at that moment, I was silent and just asked if there was any option. Upon receiving a positive response, I ignored my feelings and simply said “let’s do whatever it takes.”
Inside I was collapsed, but on the outside I told your mom to worry, that everything would be fine and that I was willing to undergo treatment.
Your mom, unlike me, was very expressive and every day she talked to me about it, and although she never made me feel guilty, inside I felt a giant responsibility and weight, which increased when I realized everything that your mom also had to face because of my “fault”.
I cried, prayed, sought a second diagnosis (which gave the same results) and fought with myself, but always in silence. I never vented to anyone, I had to act as if nothing happened because I asked your mom not to tell anyone
As a man I felt that my world was collapsed and I let myself be more afflicted by thinking about what perhaps society would think of me; A lot of time passed and although I was physically “strong”, with each consultation or procedure, my self-esteem dropped more and I came to think that I would not be able to (but I never told your mom).
After a lot of silence, internal fights and upsets with your mom, because according to her I didn’t care about everything, finally on June 3 they gave me the best news of my life.
That instant became my relief, I cried as much as I ever put up with, I hugged your mom as if there was no tomorrow and I thanked God and the doctor for always being there.
After that day I understood that men do not have the responsibility to be “strong” and that perhaps talking to someone would have helped me to overcome the feeling of guilt and thus give more support to your mother. I never had to prove anything to anyone, I just had to live my process and accept it. I am not less than anyone else for having an infertility diagnosis, on the contrary, I feel stronger than many to be able to face my condition and fight until the end.
Today, when I find out that he will be a BOY, these words come from my heart. Because I want to tell you that YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE, and that any situation you live you can talk about with me. I won’t judge you, I won’t make you feel less than anyone else, I won’t push you aside. No matter the condition, we should be proud of who we are, because the fact of being men does not take away our sensitivity, the desire to cry, the desire to hug.
Today, after much silence, I shout to the whole world that you are my happiness. From now on I will not be ashamed to tell the story that your mom and I lived to have you with us. I won’t be ashamed to say that I have a fertility problem and that despite that I am a dad I LOVE YOU MY SON!
Schedule your consultation at our offices in Medellín, Pereira, Bogotá and Cartagena; or with our specialists in the city of Manizales.
- Medellín: Tel. +57(4) 268 80 00
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