Those very close to me have known about the great desire to be a mother that I have always had, some even know that as a visual artist, most of my paintings have to do with that fact. Two years ago, I decided that I was not going to wait any longer for the right man to appear someday and that having a child with the wrong man was not an option.
As I didn’t want to miss the fertility window, I made the very personal decision to be what is known as a “Single mother by choice” using a donor. I knew that age was a factor and that the so-called ‘biological clock’ was not a myth, but even with the 34 years I had then, I honestly didn’t think I was embarking on the most challenging journey of my life. Yes, I knew I wasn’t in my 20’s, but I didn’t expect it to be so difficult to conceive either. The truth is that many women and couples really don’t know how fertile they are or if they have any problems until they start trying to get pregnant.
In 2016, I went to a reproductive endocrinologist and had my first intrauterine insemination. The process requires hormonal stimulation to produce an egg, ovulation is carefully synchronized, and the donor’s sample (or partner’s in cases where the treatment is with their own partner) is inserted through a catheter directly into the uterus. I got pregnant on this occasion, but unfortunately I had a loss weeks later. From 2016-2017 I had a total of 5 inseminations, each of them full of hope, illusion, anxiety and anticipation, and each failure and loss added a little more salt to the wound, but I was not ready to give up. So each time I dusted off my knees and stood up again.
I knew that the next step to try was IVF (in vitro fertilization), but due to the exorbitant costs of that here in the USA, I ended up finding the fortune of finding InSer, the best fertility clinic in Colombia. From the first moment I had contact with the patient coordinator, Maryuri Salazar, I knew I had found the right place. I was immediately put in contact with Dr. Sergio Tamayo, who answered all my questions and made himself available 24/7 by emails and his personal WhatsApp while we communicated remotely. The transfer of the sample to the clinic in Colombia was arranged with the donor bank a month before my arrival.
I arrived in Medellín on February 1st and had my first appointment to start the process the next day. In vitro fertilization is an extremely complex procedure in which the ovaries are stimulated to obtain at least one egg. Those eggs are then collected, fertilized and transferred as an embryo back to the uterus. It sounds like if each step is followed there is no loss, but each step is very stressful. You worry about the number of follicles (small sacs that house each egg) that your ovaries can create, after the follicle grows at the indicated rate so that it can increase the chances that the egg is mature. After the egg collection you worry because it is mature enough, and that it manages to fertilize (which does not happen with guarantee), and if it manages to fertilize, the embryologist must monitor for days that it is progressing well.
Through this whole process I discovered that my ovarian reserve was very low, as if my ovaries were older than my current age, which would have made it even much more difficult to conceive if I waited longer. It was a bit frustrating to know that my body only gave a maximum of 3 eggs, when other patients on the same day took out 15, 19 and even one had 29 the same day of my collection. Having more eggs meant more opportunities to try, but my doctor assured me that I only needed one good egg to be able to achieve it.
I had two embryos transferred in my first in vitro cycle and I got pregnant, but unfortunately it was another loss. It was not very easy to go through another disappointment being alone in another country, but I am grateful for the constant support, even in the distance, of those closest to me (my parents, sister and brother-in-law), as well as everyone at the clinic, including Dr. Susana Rodríguez, the wonderful psychologist at InSer who was always looking out for me.
I repeated the whole process again a second time, and two embryos were transferred to me in March. Fortunately, one little baby implanted and became my champion. I spent almost 4 months in Colombia, and went through a roller coaster of emotions. It was physically and mentally exhausting, but everyone at the clinic was incredible. They made this whole experience unforgettable. The treatment I received from the doctors, nurses, secretaries and even the lady who serves the coffee was unique. After spending so much time there, you really feel like you are in a big family, that understands exactly what you are going through, always willing to offer a shoulder to cry on and give you a comforting hug. No wonder I saw couples from the USA, United Kingdom, Australia, Haiti, Aruba and other parts of the world at the clinic.
Even after 2 years of losses, struggles and obstacles, I NEVER lost hope, determination and most importantly I never stopped clinging to the FAITH that I would achieve my dream.
It is very important for me to share the complete story despite being so personal because I think it touches on three taboo topics: single women seeking motherhood without a partner, fertility treatments, and pregnancy losses. Especially the last two because nobody talks about this type of difficulties and struggles, and when you are going through them, you feel like you are the only person who is going through those difficulties, even when it is more common than many think. You feel frustrated, inadequate, like it’s your fault, or like you’re somehow useless.
For all those women and couples (because it is not always the female factor) who are struggling to conceive, know that you are not alone. It’s not your fault, and there are many people who know exactly how you feel. If you are one of those, I sincerely wish you the best and that you can very soon have that baby you want so much.
This little life growing inside me, for which I dreamed so much and prayed so much, has already taught me the greatest lessons of faith, persistence and patience.
My dear child, with tears running down my cheeks as I write this, I want you to know that long before you were warm and cuddled in my womb, you lived in my dreams and in my heart. Thanks to you, I have realized the strength and fire that I carry within me, and the warrior woman that I am. You are my number one priority, and my first true work of art.
Through you, God decided to send me the man of my life and the greatest love of all. Your mommy and the rest of your family already love you very much and are crazy to meet you.
